


Desperate Ills

by Fiona James (Bluewolf458)



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-18
Packaged: 2018-11-14 19:45:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11214999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluewolf458/pseuds/Fiona%20James
Summary: Spock is in Pon Farr... and even if there was someone on Vulcan for him, the ship is too far away to get there in time





	Desperate Ills

**Author's Note:**

> First printed in Duet XI. This was the only time I used this pen name, and I don't remember why I felt the need to use it.

Desperate Ills  
  
by Maureen Fenton  
  
aka Fiona James

  
  
  
Kirk had been aware for a few days that something was wrong with Spock. His First Officer had been avoiding everyone when he was off duty, spending all his time in his quarters; and even on duty he was aloof, even more formal than usual.  
  
Kirk considered going to Spock's quarters and asking him outright what was wrong with him; then decided against it. He knew Spock trusted him; if the Vulcan felt like telling him, he would; if he didn't do it voluntarily, he might be forced to, by carefully applied blackmail, but he wouldn't like it, and Kirk himself would feel he was taking advantage of their friendship by forcing a confidence from him, Not that he hadn't done so before now; but the situation here didn't really seem urgent enough to warrant it.  
  
He found his patience justified when Spock came to him in his cabin uninvited, two evenings later,  
  
The Vulcan was looking tense, agitated. He came straight to the point. "Captain, I wish to report myself unfit for duty."  
  
"What's wrong, Spock? I agree, you're not looking well - have you seen McCoy?"  
  
"There is no point in my seeing Dr. McCoy, There is nothing he can do for me."  
  
"You can't be sure of that."  
  
"I can be sure," Spock said quietly, his control so rigid that it could almost be seen as a tangible barrier between himself and the universe.  
  
Kirk waited for a further explanation, but Spock seemed disinclined to go on. The silence dragged on; Kirk watched Spock carefully. The Vulcan seemed unable to look straight at him and he saw his friend's throat move convulsively as Spock swallowed nervously.  
  
"Tell me." Kirk's voice was very gentle,  
  
"Captain... do you remember when you visited Vulcan with me... ?"  
  
Kirk stared at him in horror. "You mean... pon farr... again... already? But it's only about a year... "  
  
Spock nodded, his face averted. "It must be the effect of my Human blood, since Humans are... in that state... at all times, as I understand."  
  
"Well, not quite like that," Kirk protested. He did some rapid calculations in his head, and didn't like the answer he came up with. "Spock... we're too far from Vulcan to get you back there this time."  
  
"Even if you could, Captain, there is no T'Pring this time. There would be no point in rushing me back..."  
  
"Do you mean you're resigned to dying?" Kirk asked bluntly.  
  
"There seems to be... little alternative,"  
  
"There's always an alternative, Spock. There must be something we can do."  
  
Spock shook his head, sadness in his eyes.  
  
"There are women on board," Kirk added desperately. "A lot of them find you attractive. Several of them would probably be willing to... to sleep with you... "  
  
"I did think of that," Spock admitted. "If there had been a Vulcan woman on board, that would have been the answer. But Human women would not understand." He swallowed again, ashamed at revealing so much but knowing that he had to.  
  
"Are you sure there's nothing McCoy can do?... No, you've probably waited too long. If you'd gone to him as soon as you realised what was wrong, he might have been able to do something."  
  
Spock shook his head again. "Vulcan doctors have sought an answer to this for many years," he said. "If there was one, they would have found it."  
  
"Maybe they're too close to the problem," Kirk said. "Spock, if we do find a way out of this, I think we should put the problem to McCoy. There must be an answer."  
  
He looked at Spock thoughtfully, wondering how long before Spock's self control broke. The only immediate sign of anything was his unusual readiness to discuss an emotional situation... but Kirk was certain that he would not be so honest with any other member of the ship's complement, under any condition.  
  
"I don't want to die," Spock said, after another short pause.  
  
He sat, his head bowed, not looking near Kirk, his body beginning to tremble violently under the duel impetus of his need and his enforced control. Kirk was beginning to be conscious of a need of his own; the need to comfort Spock. Without stopping to consider what the effect of such gentleness might be, he put a comforting hand on the Vulcan's shoulder,  
  
He was completely unprepared for the effect on Spock. The Vulcan caught his breath and began to sob harshly, his face buried in his hands.  
  
Academically, Kirk knew he should move away, give Spock time to recover his composure; but his need to do something was too great. He slipped his arm right round Spock's shoulders.  
  
Again Spock took him by surprise. He turned to Kirk and caught him in a tight clasp, clinging to him, his face buried now against Kirk's shoulder, his body shaking from the effects of the sobs that racked him,  
  
Kirk laid his cheek against his friend's head, while with one hand he gentled the smooth black hair. Slowly the harsh sobs lessened, ceased, but the fierce embrace did not slacken.  
  
Then Spock moved one hand slightly, almost unconsciously, against Kirk's back. As he did, Kirk suddenly became aware of a passionate desire, one he had never dreamed he could feel; and with the desire came the realisation.  
  
There was something he could do for Spock... if Spock would agree and accept it.  
  
He remained silent for a few more moments, trying to summon up the courage to offer himself to Spock, wondering how he could ever face Spock again if the Vulcan refused - then realised that if he did refuse, the situation wouldn't arise, for Spock would be dead.  
  
Before he could say anything, Spock moved, His body stiffened, and he tried to pull away, Kirk let him draw back just far enough for them to look at each other. He was horrified at the torment he saw in Spock's eyes.  
  
"Jim... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you... but I had to explain„ I had better go back to my own quarters now, I will not be rational for much longer."  
  
Abruptly, before he had time to change his mind, Kirk said, "Spock... there is possibly a way... "  
  
He took a deep breath as Spock looked at him, puzzled. He went on. "You must mate. Must it be with a woman?"  
  
The puzzlement deepened.  
  
"I mean... would my body serve your need?"  
  
Spock thought about it for a moment. "I... don't know. It is not... not a thing that Vulcans would normally think of... "  
  
"It isn't a thing I've ever thought of before either, Spock, but I'm willing to do it - if it will help you."  
  
He saw the doubt in Spock's eyes and knew that he would have to make the first move and quickly, if Spock was not to refuse for no better reason than the wish not to... to humiliate him?... take advantage of him? He had no real way of knowing how Spock would feel, only that Spock would immediately refuse something that would help him if he thought it unfair to Kirk...  despite the fact that the suggestion here came from Kirk. He leaned forward and pressed his mouth to Spock's.  
  
For a moment there was no response; then Spock's arms closed around him, his mouth opening to Kirk's probing tongue.  
  
Kirk prolonged the kiss; and when at last he raised his head, he knew by Spock's reactions that the Vulcan had passed the point where he would - could - refuse. The doubts that he himself had felt were quiescent now, too; he had been willing to do this, simply in order to save Spock's life - but the long kiss had aroused him, too, and he realised that he had become very eager.  
  
"Jim... " It was almost a moan of ecstasy as Spock lifted his mouth towards Kirk's again.  
  
As their mouths met, Kirk slid his hands under Spock's shirt, and stroked the smooth naked back, aware of his mounting desire. He could feel the bulge at Spock's groin enlarging; and his own trousers were becoming uncomfortably tight. He lifted his head away from Spock's and began to pull the Vulcan's shirt off.  
  
Spock allowed him to remove it, then reached for the fastening of Kirk's trousers and fumbled with it, awkward in his unaccustomed emotional need. Kirk helped him before reaching out to unfasten Spock's trousers; and found that Spock had already changed his mind about what he wanted to do. He was now tugging at Kirk's shirt.  
  
"Jim... " he whispered again.  
  
Kirk smiled at him as they finished undressing each other. They moved back into each other's arms. Still standing, they rubbed their bodies against each other.  
  
At first, Spock imitated Kirk's caresses, but within a very short time he was initiating his own caresses that were getting increasingly rougher and rougher as his mating instinct completely overcame his attempts to continue behaving at least reasonably rationally. The kisses he pressed against Kirk's shoulders and chest became bites, bites that increased in violence while his nails tore at Kirk's back before his hands moved to cup Kirk's buttocks and hold him close. He began thrusting his hips furiously against Kirk's; Kirk braced himself against the onslaught, struggling to maintain his balance.  
  
Then the force of Spock's movements overbalanced them and they fell. Even the shock of the fall couldn't interrupt Spock now; he continued to move convulsively from his new position on top of Kirk, while Kirk lay passively accepting what had become almost a rape, finding the friction bringing him on very rapidly; then he felt the semen spurt from him.  
  
He gasped with a mixture of pleasure and pain as Spock continued to thrust his body against him - he could no longer yield at all, lying as he was on the rigid floor. Spock was still holding his buttocks, so tightly now that Kirk knew they would be badly bruised - and somehow finding pleasure in the knowledge. Spock was gasping now, then cried out as with a final thrust he held Kirk's hips tightly against him. Kirk felt the warm liquid against his belly, then the hard penis softening.  
  
They lay for a few moments unmoving, then Spock abruptly released Kirk and pulled away, to sit, his back to him.  
  
Kirk looked at him, puzzled at this reaction, then realised that Spock probably felt ashamed of his passionate response.  
  
"Spock... "  
  
"Captain... I apologise. I appreciate your... demeaning yourself... for me. You should not have to do so... "  
  
"Spock... I offered, remember? I don't call that demeaning myself."  
  
Spock turned to look at him, a little of the tenseness slipping from his body.  
  
"And I enjoyed it," Kirk went on, realising with something of a shock that he was telling the truth. He wouldn't care to participate in such violent lovemaking often, but there had been a strange pleasure in relieving such a desperate need.  
  
"Enjoyed?" Spock whispered. One hand reached out towards Kirk; he gently indicated several places on Kirk's torso, places that were already purpling.  
  
"I have bruised you, Jim, bruised you badly. And I did not wish to hurt you... "  
  
"Love bruises don't hurt," Kirk said gently. He hesitated, then went on, "Spock... how do you feel now?"  
  
"The urge is... now bearable. It may be that I will manage to control myself now."  
  
"And it may be that you won't. Let's make sure."  
  
Kirk reached out and took Spock's hand. He got up, and pulled Spock after him, then led him to the bed, hoping as he went that Spock wouldn't be quite so... so uncontrolled this time, but prepared to accept it if he was. He pulled Spock onto the bed beside him.  
  
Instead of relaxing and lying down, Spock propped himself on one elbow to look at Kirk's face as his Captain smiled at him,  
  
"I love you, Spock, You know that, don't you," Kirk said quietly.  
  
"Jim... "  
  
Spock caught Kirk into his arms and kissed him fiercely, then drew back again, afraid of his own feelings, terrified that he would lose control again; he didn't want to hurt Kirk, and the violence of his love had already bruised him. He didn't want to add to those bruises...  
  
Kirk guessed something of how Spock felt. He began to run his hands over Spock's body, using all his experience to rouse him, knowing that if Spock achieved less than full relief his life would probably still be at risk, Spock began to respond; and with something of relief they both realised that the wild urgency was gone. Spock's caresses now were infinitely gentle, infinitely loving. As he gained in certainty that he was in full control of his emotions, Spock allowed himself to respond avidly. Very tenderly he kissed the bruises he had left on Kirk's chest, then raised his face to Kirk's.  
  
Mouth to mouth, their tongues tantalising each other, they lay in a private world of utter joy where each now sought to give the other the maximum amount of pleasure. Kirk's hand moved to Spock's penis; he stroked it lightly, savouring its velvet-soft firmness, wondering a little at his feeling of satisfaction that he, he should have been able to bring Spock to this utter surrender. He didn't stop to consider that his own surrender was as complete; he was aware only of content as Spock's fingers curled round his penis, stroking it slowly, gently. He moaned his pleasure as Spock's other hand came up to his face. He knew Spock was mind-melding with him, and welcomed it; he tried to reach out his own mind to touch Spock's and knew he had, in part at least, succeeded, when he realised that he was more acutely aware of his friend's mind in his than he had ever been any other time they had been in mind-meld. Spock knew it too; deep in his mind he heard the Vulcan's whisper, "Jim... "  
  
They began to milk each other in mutual desire to give and receive pleasure, slowly at first then, almost against their wishes, faster, both trying to prolong the other's agonised joy and both failing as their own rising excitement urged them to gain satisfaction quickly, the mind-meld making them react together. And the joint ecstasy as they reached orgasm simultaneously made them cry out together, not caring who might be passing outside and hear.  
  
They lay back relaxing, After a moment Kirk turned his head to look at Spock and felt suddenly awed by the expression of open love and happiness on Spock's face. The Vulcan looked terribly vulnerable, he thought, and with an insight that only their recent union could have given. He realised how easy it would be... how easy it was... to hurt Spock, and hurt him badly, without meaning to. This was Spock; this loving, gentle, tender, sensitive, generously giving man, not the cold, logical, calculating Vulcan machine that he tried so successfully to pretend that he was.  
  
Spock smiled at him as he sat up.  
  
"Thank you, Jim," he said, his voice soft with love and gratitude.  
  
"Thank you too, Spock." Kirk's voice was languid with content. It sharpened into alarm as Spock got up. "Where are you going?"  
  
"I must not... impose on you any longer. I had better return to my own quarters. I... should be all right now."  
  
But Kirk had detected an odd note in Spock's voice. "Do you want to go?"  
  
"No. I want to stay here all night, loving you... but Jim, you haven't my stamina; you would show the effects in the morning and the crew... "  
  
"Spock, it wouldn't be the first time I've made love all night, and been fit for work the next day. But it would be the first time I did it... wanting to give more pleasure than I could get. Stay with me, Spock... please."  
  
Slowly, Spock sat on the edge of the bed again, "Jim... " His longing was plain to hear.  
  
"Besides," Kirk went on briskly, "once the mating urge is fully out of your system, it wouldn't be logical for us to come together again until your next pon farr, would it?"  
  
"Well... no."  
  
"So if all we can have is tonight, while you're still feeling the effects of this one, we might as well make the most of it."  
  
"That is logical..." Spock agreed, and lay down again, reaching for Kirk as ho did.  
  
They lay together in a close embrace, content for the moment to be together. After a while, Spock said thoughtfully, "Jim... although pon farr is involuntary, it is possible for Vulcans to indulge in sexual activity at other times. Married Vulcans often do... I never understood why, till now... "  
  
Kirk said slowly, "You mean that... if we want to... we can love each other as often as we want?"  
  
"Yes." It was almost inaudible, as if Spock, having suggested it, was afraid that his offer would be rejected,  
  
"We'll have to be careful," Kirk said. "It wouldn't be good for discipline if the crew found out... but I think we both know how to be careful."  
  
Spock nodded, his grip on Kirk tightening again, his hands beginning to slide intimately over Kirk's back as, this time, he initiated their loving. The mind-meld, never broken though it had been relaxed too, as completely as their bodies, intensified. Their hands explored each other, searching for the caresses that would give the most excitement and stimulation. Kirk whimpered with the pain of extreme pleasure as Spock nibbled at his nipples; Spock moaned, his control gone, wanting Kirk to know his enjoyment at the caress that ran light fingers over the base of his spine... Too soon they reached fulfilment again and lay back in each other's arms, tired out. Despite Spock's claim of superior stamina, he also had reached the point of exhaustion, and they slept, Kirk's head pillowed on Spock's shoulder, more soundly than either had done for many nights.

  
  
***

  
  
Spock woke first. Their sleep had broken the mind-meld, and for a second he was confused by the body lying warm beside him. Then he remembered and lay still, unwilling to waken Kirk who still, he felt sure, needed to sleep - but also a little reluctant to face him, afraid that Kirk might waken feeling revolted at what they had done, knowing that if he did, he would have to accept it without a sign of how much he wanted to continue this relationship, schooling his mind into such acceptance even as his arms lovingly cradled the still-sleeping Kirk.  
  
Kirk moved slightly as he woke, Spock forced himself to relax his grip.  
  
"Spock."  
  
"Yes, Captain."  
  
Kirk turned his heed to look at Spock, chilled by Spock's return to formality, and aware of an emptiness in his mind where Spock's had been. Why had Spock withdrawn? Was he ashamed of what had happened?"  
  
He raised himself on one elbow, trying to read the expression on the Vulcan's face, while Spock reluctantly forced his hands away from Kirk's body. "Spock?" he asked again, his voice shaking. "How... how do you feel now?"  
  
"I am... back to normal," Spock said evenly. He hesitated, then went on, a degree of constraint in his voice. "Captain, there were some things said last night... "  
  
"I understand, Mr. Spock." Kirk had his voice under control now. "You regret saying them... consider them forgotten."  
  
"No!... But I thought... you might be regretting... agreeing with them."  
  
Kirk gave a relieved laugh. "Spock. I have no regrets for last night... only memories that I will cherish... "  
  
Spock took a deep breath. "Jim... "  
  
They moved into each other's arms again and lay, happy to be together again after the momentary misunderstanding. After a while, Spock said reluctantly, "The watch will be changing soon. I had better go now so that I am not seen leaving here."  
  
"I suppose so... Tonight, Spock."  
  
Spock smiled, "Yes, Jim. Tonight."  
  
He dressed quickly and left. Kirk lay back looking after him. He touched his hand to one of his bruises, wondering how he would explain these to McCoy if he found out about them,  
  
Then he sighed, and got up too. It was nearly time to go back on duty.

  
  
***

  
  
When Kirk reached the bridge he found Spock already there. His First Officer glanced up casually and nodded a greeting; there was nothing in his manner to suggest that he had last seen his Captain a bare half hour previously, having spent the night with him. Kirk nodded back and sank gratefully into his chair - he was feeling a little stiff. Hardly surprising, he thought, after the violent way in which his body had been used... Spock was probably stiff too. If he wasn't, he ought to be.  
  
It was quite difficult to behave completely normally; he kept remembering little details from the night before, and there was an ever-present temptation to get up and move to Spock's side, unnecessarily. In addition, he found himself longing for the touch of Spock's mind in his... he hoped that Spock would link with him again tonight, but if he didn't, Kirk decided, he would ask him to... As time went on, he found the memories of the night were becoming more and more intrusive. He obtained some relief when McCoy came onto the bridge, the surgeon's presence offering a distraction. When McCoy eventually left, Kirk was pretty sure that he had got no hint of anything from either himself or Spock.  
  
At last, however, he could bear it no longer. To be so near Spock yet be unable to stay at his side became a torment. He glanced round at the Vulcan. "Take over, Mr. Spock. I'll be in my quarters."  
  
"Yes, sir,"  
  
He managed to leave without limping, although he found that he was stiffer than ever after sitting still for so long, In his cabin, he settled down to some work - or at least, he tried to. But his mind wasn't on it. He kept thinking about the night, and at last gave up and deliberately went over in his mind every facet of what had happened with Spock. He felt a rising excitement at the memories, and concentrated on the ones that stirred him most. Eventually, thoroughly aroused, he moved to the toilet to masturbate.  
  
That seemed to help. He found he could concentrate on his work now, and managed to bury himself in it. When at last the door buzzer sounded, it made him jump.  
  
"Come."  
  
Spock came in, and shut the door carefully behind him, locking it. Kirk rose quickly, and moved towards him, his face twisting slightly as the stiffness caught him.  
  
Spock caught his arms. "What's wrong, Jim?"  
  
"Nothing, Spock, I'm just a little stiff. By rights, you should be too." He raised his lips to Spock's. The kiss started gently, then gained in passion; their arms tightened round each other. Both made little sounds of ecstasy deep in their throats.  
  
They drew apart, looking at each other. "Your mind..." Kirk whispered. He lifted Spock's hand to his face. "Please... "  
  
Again he reached out with his mind as Spock entered it. Again he was very, very conscious of his friend. He felt Spock's mind caressing his, and moaned his pleasure,  
  
"More," he whispered. "Go on, Spock, go on... "  
  
He tried to return the mental caresses, unsure whether or not he was succeeding. Nothing mattered except how much pleasure he could give Spock, how much pleasure Spock was giving him...  
  
Spock leaned his face against Kirk's; they rubbed their cheeks together. "I love you," Kirk whispered. "I love you..."  
  
"And I love you," Spock whispered back. "I was glad when you left the bridge,Jim; it was getting too difficult to behave normally. I kept wanting to come down to you, to touch you... "  
  
"That was why I left," Kirk murmured. "I kept wanting to come to you... maybe in a day or two it'll get easier... "  
  
"I hope so." He began to pull Kirk's shirt up. "I want to feel your body naked under my hands, Jim."  
  
Kirk pulled free and began to strip. Spock immediately copied him. Naked, they looked at each other. Spock drew in his breath sharply, staring at Kirk's belly. Kirk glanced down at himself.  
  
His body was a mass of bruises. Apart from the ones he had known about, many new ones had now coloured; he looked as if someone had beaten him up rather badly.  
  
"Jim..." Spock sounded unhappy.  
  
Kirk smiled at him, "I was willing, Spock...  don't forget that. I was glad to submit to you... and I'll gladly submit next time. I told you last night, love bruises don't hurt... but even if they did, a few bruises are a small price to pay for your life. Come to bed... "  
  
He took Spock's hand and led him to the bed. Spock gathered him in his arms lovingly.  
  
"Jim, oh, Jim!"  
  
"Spock, kiss me..."  
  
Their mouths locked together; they lay, tongues caressing each other, hands gentling each other, Spock afraid of hurting Kirk's bruises but Kirk trying to press his body as close to Spock's as he could. He pressed his genitals against Spock's and felt the response as Spock's tongue wrapped itself round his. He rubbed his tongue against Spock's as they rubbed their genitals together; he listened to Spock moaning deep in his throat with an awed happiness. Desire was stirring furiously in him now, but he forced himself to wait while he tried to rouse Spock to the fever pitch he had been in the night before.  
  
Spock began to move his body convulsively again, thrusting his hips against Kirk's; Kirk responded, thrusting back, his stiffness forgotten in the agony of desire he had roused in himself as well as in Spock. Last night he had submitted passively even while brought to climax, lying as he had been on the unyielding floor. Now, on the bed, his mind locked to Spock's, he had to respond with a passion that equalled Spock's... the semen spurting from them to mix on their bellies while he held Spock so tightly that he knew he must be bruising Spock...  
  
They relaxed; still holding each other, unwilling to draw apart, but knowing they had to. This was stolen time... shortly, they would have to return to duty.  
  
After a few minutes they got up, and went to shower. As they dressed, Spock said, "I ate before coming here, Jim. If I return to the bridge, you can go for a meal now."  
  
Kirk nodded. He opened the door and looked out. The corridor was empty, Not that it mattered if the First Officer was seen leaving the Captain's quarters during the day; there were plenty of official reasons why he should be there; but both were very conscious of why he _was_ there...  
  
"We must also be careful not to over-react," he said.  
  
Spock nodded. "Yes. It is not easy to remember that no-one else knows how we feel... "  
  
They looked at each other, love in both their faces. Then Spock carefully donned his mask and Kirk relaxed his expression.  
  
Somehow they got through the rest of the day. It was make easier by the fact that they were still locked mind to mind... neither had been willing to break the meld before they had to. If both were a little abstracted, no-one else mentioned it or seemed to notice. But the mental touch comforted them both.  
  
Both knew, too, that they could not disappear too early during the evening - one at least of them must remain until his usual time where he could be seen. Kirk considered this, then challenged Spock to a game of chess in the rec room.  
  
Almost at once they discovered one drawback to the mind-meld. They were both conscious of the way the other was planning his strategy. They looked up at each other; and Spock withdrew all but the slightest contact. They were still aware of the touch of each other's mind, but no longer of each other's thoughts.  
  
Spock won the first game; then the second. McCoy, who had wandered over to watch, raised an eyebrow.  
  
"You must be off your game, Jim, Spock doesn't usually beat you two games in a row," he remarked casually.  
  
"Law of averages, Bones," Kirk commented. "It had to happen sometime." He stretched, and winced slightly as a stiff muscle complained.  
  
McCoy caught it. "What's wrong, Jim?"  
  
"Nothing, Bones."  
  
McCoy said nothing, just waited, looking  at him, When Kirk still said nothing, he said, "I think you should come down to sickbay and let me check you over, Jim."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because you're not looking right. You look tired, and something hurt when you stretched just now."  
  
"Bones, I'm perfectly all right, My neck's a little stiff; maybe I was lying awkwardly in bed last night." He glanced at Spock. "Are you going to give me my chance for revenge, Spock'?"  
  
"Certainly, Captain." He began to set out the chess board again.  
  
"After I've had a look at you, Jim," McCoy said.  
  
Kirk and Spock glanced at each other, Neither wanted to hurt McCoy; and both knew that if McCoy saw those bruises on Kirk he would have to know what had happened and the knowledge that they had attained such closeness, leaving him apart, probably would hurt him. He would equally probably not want any part in such a relationship, but he would feel left out...  
  
Reluctantly, Kirk got up as McCoy said, "I'm sure Spock won't mind waiting for half an hour to give you your revenge."

  
  
***

  
  
Fortunately, there was no-one else in sickbay when they got there,  
  
Kirk had been thinking on the way down. Perhaps the best thing to do was to tell McCoy frankly what had happened the night before... omitting all reference to their wish to continue with the relationship.  
  
"Right, Jim. Get your shirt off."  
  
"Bones... "  
  
"What's wrong with you, Jim? Get it off."  
  
"Bones, I can tell you what's wrong with me. I don't need any examination."  
  
"Jim. Medical orders. Get your shirt off,"  
  
Unwillingly, Kirk stripped off his shirt. McCoy stared at his bruised chest.  
  
"What on earth... "  
  
Kirk looked guiltily at the surgeon's puzzled face. "I'll tell you, Bones. You probably won't like it, but... " He trailed off into an uneasy silence.  
  
"Well, you won't tell me just standing here. Come and sit down." He led the way into his office. "Now, Jim. Go on."  
  
"Bones... have you had a good look at Spock lately'?"  
  
"Odd you should say that, Jim. I was thinking there was something wrong with him this last few days, but he seems all right now."  
  
"That's right. There was something wrong with him... and we were far too far from Vulcan to do anything about it."  
  
"Pon Farr?"  
  
Kirk nodded. "He refused to approach any of the women on the ship... he didn't think they would understand... "  
  
"And so you...?"  
  
'"Yes. What else could I do, Bones? He would have died if I hadn't... "  
  
McCoy nodded, his eyes fixed on the bruises on Kirk's chest. "He must have been very rough... "  
  
"At first... but afterwards, he was so gentle... " His face softened as he remembered.  
  
McCoy watched him, guessing at a lot that Kirk was leaving unsaid. "You enjoyed it." It was a statement, not a question.  
  
Kirk flushed guiltily, as McCoy went on. "And what happens now? Does Spock just forget the whole thing happened, and expect you to do the some?"  
  
"No," Kirk said,. "Neither of us can forget."  
  
McCoy said slowly, "Will you... continue the relationship? _Can_ you?"  
  
"You really mean, 'can _he_ '," Kirk replied.  
  
"Well - yes, because if he can... it would probably be a good thing for both of you. Get some of the tension out of your systems."  
  
"You mean you approve?"  
  
"Why not? Placed as you both are, neither of you can easily form a liaison with one of the women on board... and the strain on both of you because of your position is pretty high. Sex is one of the easiest ways to relieve tension. Mark you, I wouldn't approve of it if it was just for sex. But you're emotionally attached to each other as well."  
  
Kirk hesitated, then said, "Bones, neither of us wants you to feel left out because we... "  
  
"I don't, Jim." He grinned. '"Get your shirt back on, then go and get your third game of chess. And this time, try to think about the game, not about what you'll do when you get to bed... "

  
  
***

  
  
Kirk won the third game, After it, Spock went off, leaving Kirk still in the rec room. Kirk followed a few minutes later.  
  
He went to Spock's room. The Vulcan was waiting for him with barely concealed impatience.  
  
There was no need to tell Spock what McCoy had said - because of the mind-link Spock already knew. They moved straight into each other's arms again.  
  
They were content to hold each other for some minutes, hands and minds caressing each other gently. Then they undressed, and moved to the bed.  
  
They began to play with each other's genitals, stroking and rubbing, both enjoying the strange feeling of power that their ability to rouse each other gave them. Kirk bent to touch his lips to the erect penis. How could something so hard be so soft? He rubbed it against his lips, his hand cupping and caressing the testicles. Spock lay back, simply accepting the caress. Kirk ran the tip of his tongue over the head of the thrusting probe, and Spock moaned again in ecstasy. Kirk promptly took the top of the penis in his mouth, running his tongue over it tantalisingly. Then he began to run light fingers over the base of Spock's spine.  
  
"Jim... Jim... " Spock moaned his pleasure. After a few minutes, however, Spock reached for Kirk. "Jim... let me... "  
  
He pulled Kirk back to lie beside him again, then bent over him to lip his nipples, his hand firm on the Human's testicles.  
  
Kirk gripped Spock's penis. He rubbed the tip of it against the tip of his own, and whimpered at the sudden anguished joy of the contact, whimpered in unison with Spock. They continued to rub against each other, finding release very quickly. They lay still, their bodies still pressed together, their mouths still locked.  
  
Kirk pulled his head free.  
  
"Spock... "  
  
Spock lifted his head to smile at him.  
  
"This is good, Spock... I've never had so much pleasure... "  
  
"I've nothing to compare it with," Spock said, "but I find it difficult to believe that it would be possible to enjoy anyone more... I thought last night was wonderful, but today has been even better... "  
  
"Last night we were both afraid that the other would have regrets afterwards, no matter how much he was enjoying himself at the time," Kirk said. "Tonight we know there are no regrets, that there will never by any regrets at what we can do to please each other... kiss me... "  
  
They were both getting very drowsy now; but neither was willing to sleep yet.  
  
"Once more before we sleep," Kirk whispered, knowing he didn't need to say it; Spock could read his wishes in his mind.  
  
They lay still, letting the touch of their bodies rouse them. Spock probed the tendrils of his mind deep into Kirk's, trying to find the telepathic centre... and at last he knew he'd found it. Without giving himself time to think, he began to stimulate it... and he knew as soon as Kirk's latent telepathic ability was awakened. He opened his mind wide to the tendrils of Kirk's mind, welcoming them.  
  
Once Kirk's mind was fully integrated with his, Spock thought, /I tricked you, Jim. When only I had formed the link, it broke when we slept, but now you are in my mind while I am in yours, and we are locked together for as long as we both live. We will never have the strength of will to withdraw from each other. It is possible, but it results in such a sense of loneliness that we won't be able to do it. I should have warned you... but I wanted it.../  
  
/I want it too... Spock, to be one with you... /  
  
They didn't even need to think. They each knew how the other was feeling without putting their thoughts into words. They each felt the other's pleasure, found himself enjoying the other's memories as their bodies pressed together...  
  
They began to arouse again, slowly. Their hands stroked the iron softness of the other's penis and caressed the testicles. Their tongues played together. Both felt the other's wish to surrender himself entirely to his friend, to let the other use him until they were both physically exhausted... They began to milk each other, slowly, slowly, helping each other to hold back to prolong the joy, coming so gradually that their entire bodies were a mass of quivering anticipation that resulted in a fierce catharsis that they felt they could never achieve again no matter how long they were together - both knowing that they would attempt to repeat it often.  
  
They could stay awake no longer. Still holding each other, they fell asleep almost instantaneously.

  
***

  
  
Spock's mental alarm clock woke him. He lay enjoying holding Kirk for a few moments before he shook him awake.  
  
"Jim."  
  
"Spock..." Kirk smiled up at him.  
  
"It's time to get up, Jim."  
  
Kirk nodded. They got up, showered and dressed. Kirk looked at Spock. "One kiss before I go..."  
  
Their tongues caressed. They felt themselves becoming aroused again. Spock lifted his head. We'd better not," he said.  
  
He went to the door, and opened it. There was no-one outside.  
  
Kirk went to his own quarters. He would have to put on a clean shirt.  
  
Stripped, he looked at himself in the mirror. He decided that he had several fresh bruises, though it was difficult to be sure. He sighed slightly. He was still very tired. He yawned, then made the effort. He put on clean clothes and went to get breakfast. The Captain had to set a good example.  
  
It would never do to be late on duty.


End file.
